"It looks like we have somebody who fainted..."

http://gawker.com/357361/the-power-of-obama-compels-you

Click and behold the power of Obama!

I love how everyone in this video could not seriously care any less about the person who passed out. They just watch silently as Barack saves the day by embarrassingly drawing attention to the fainter, asks if anyone's a medic, then hands them an unopened bottle of water which he always seems to mysteriously have on hand. Sometimes he even apologizes to the crowd for the interruption, and if we're lucky he'll suggest a reason for the fainting: people trying to run up to the stage to see him, people getting too excited to see Oprah, and my personal fave; "she probably just didn't eat lunch". Of course the woman didn't eat lunch Obama, women always skip meals in order to stay trim for YOU, you sexy beast! LOL! You are sooo hilarious. And your false modesty is a gift for all womankind. See, you may tell us a different excuse everytime, but we all know the fainting happens because of the shock and unrelenting awe produced by being near you; you're basically heroin.

If someone around me ever passed out at an Obama rally I would shriek like a banshee, non-stop, for at least four minutes before fainting myself; and if I awoke with anything other than Barack Obama on my face performing CPR, I would consider him a callous oaf. Then, I would explain to him that no, I in fact did have my lunch, as well as my hourly speedball, and to please, continue.

My mom used to tell me about how when she was a little girl in India Christian missionaries used to come to her house, vainly attempting conversion door-to-door. They would enter, my grandmother would give them tea and cookies, and one of them would then unfalteringly choke on the cookies. The other one would, rather than perform the Heimlich, get down on his knees and pray to Jesus, as the other miraculously would stop choking. They would then explain that, if it weren't for Jesus, they would be dead right now.

Obama doesn't want to be JFK! He wants to be JESUS!

Barf.

Sunday, February 17, 2008