Ta-dowwwww

If I called you stupid, I don't actually think you're stupid. I would never waste my time bothering to let an actually stupid person know I think they're stupid. If you're smart, I'll call you stupid. If you're stupid, I'll treat you respectfully, but that doesn't mean I have respect for you. If I haven't fucked you, it's most likely cuz I don't respect you. If you don't respect me but try to fuck me, I will lose respect for you for wanting to fuck someone you don't respect. That's all.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Today I:

slept all day
awoke to my car being snow covered
remember my brilliant decision yesterday to drive home in FLIP FLOPS
asked my father to clear my windshield because I only had FLIP FLOPS
got SHOT DOWN
did it myself, wearing his giant sneakers
did a 360 on some iced out backroad
arrived on Bartlett Street to no parking
decided to drive around the house and park in the back of the driveway
finally knocked over random metal stick marking the edge of the driveway
in doing so, TOOK OUT LARGE CHUNK OF DRIVEWAY
freaked out
decided i needed coffee
drove away
came back
parked on street
smacked own head with car door
tripped up porch steps
busted ass

sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

what you know about that...

Apparently Gucci and Louis Vuitton have halted the release of T.I.'s "Swing Ya Rag" video, alleging copyright infringement.

I can't understand how it's ok for suburban 14 year olds from Jersey to sport Louis purses with their L.E.I.-muffin-top-creating-jeans and last year's Reeboks while it's unacceptible for a sexy, talented, RICH man with southern swagger to Swing Ya Rag! up in the club.

Monday, December 15, 2008

first class jerk

At first I thought Jamie Lynn was degrading herself just to get back on tv, but then I began to wonder: is being someone who would fuck Turtle, a woo girl, or a sexed out cashier really more degrading than being cast to play YOURSELF (spoiled jappy princess wtih a string of bf's who constantly play her out) on the greatest show ever made?

I don't think so...Jamie Lynn is superhot and was super funny on How I Met Your Mother, I hope we see more of her (but not on Entourage PLEASE).

Saturday, December 13, 2008

...got me twisted

This was my theme song. I never trusted guys. I would drop any guy in a second for any of my very few female friends. I have no males I would consider my friend, really. I thought they were all liars only looking out for themselves, they would never understand me, my intelligence, my emotion, my passion, my observant nature. They were all, one after the other, just a string of rivers in Deliverance, sucking me up and eating away at me for their own sloppy pleasure. It was just in their nature.

My heart isn't drowning in my stomach today because of the river.

I never thought I'd be betrayed by a female.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Sorry for high jacking your plans.

I'm not upset that you invade my privacy, my space, or my general peace of mind. I'm not pissed that you have no regard for the way things actually are and only pay attention to the way things would more easily be. I'm not angry that you are an inconsiderate jackhole. I could sit here moaning about how I've been wronged, how hurt I am, how I'll never be able to pull myself together...but I won't. I'm just trying to figure out how easily one second you can be so hurtful and the next instantly apologize. What happens in that instant. It's pretty clear, you are TERRIFIED of losing me. I'm not really sure why; I'm not a nice person. But I can't sit around anymore, being hurt, vowing silence towards you, then being forced to ignore hours and hours of phone calls, texts, ims, emails, messages, and whatever else you chock-full of your tearful apologies. How much pain will you put me through?

I know if I don't pick up today, or tomorrow, there will still be calls the next day. Will it stop after three days? Four? Two weeks? When does this end? When you meet someone else? That happened...remember? You still blew me up 24/7. Was it cuz she wasn't good enough? Not quite neerajaneerajaneeraja enough for you? If I found you a girl exactly like me; rude, average, cocky, uninviting and demanding; would you be satisfied?

Being the rude-average-cocky-uninviting-and-demanding bitch I am, I hope you understand that its in my disposition to want to be alone. People like me are meant to drive people away. So why must you insist on being near me? Or apologizing to me? I'm sure, somewhere in the karmic scheme of things, this is all retribution for me. It isn't natural for me to be chased after. Don't you care at all about allowing me to run free in my natural habititat of lonely bitterness? Don't you know that no matter how bitchy my people are, we cannot instinctively ignore tearfilled apologies as doing so would result in others becoming aware of our generally evil nature and thus trunctate even the miniscule amount of feigned sympathy we require to subsist?

What I'm tyring to figure out is...what is it that you require of me? If I forgive you...will you feel better? Have you no pride for your point of view, you obviously believe in it as you brought it to light in the first place...What is CE JUE we're playing? And why has it managed to last longer than monopoly where money lending is allowed?

Or is this in fact all about you? Is it, afterall, that you're the drama queen? Is it that my rude-average-cocky-uninviting-and-demanding nature doesn't matter at all? I'm just the dude with the glasses and you're that river in Deliverance? I just randomly got sucked in, and your natural forces are stronger than mine? You pretend like I'm in control, like I'm strong bitchy and demanding, in order for you to actually be in control. I have no canoe, no life jacket. I'm doggy paddling against you for dear life but I keep drowning.

I was searching for the last straw, I foolishly thought this was up against my back, not yours.

Monday, December 8, 2008

SexySexyChicas

I am beyond girl-crushing on this chick...I want her in every conceivable way.



21-year-old, sober, American Amy Winehouse on solid food. For now.

Sunday, December 7, 2008