partnership for a drug free neeraja

I've begun to realize that people like me are actually a minority. That is, people who just take whatever comes at them and shut up about it (excluding the daily rant to parent, boyfriend, or random acquaintance they run into right after trying to study but instead just festering masses of hate towards various annoyers). Yes, I am annoyed by many of the things you or anyone else do, but I always thought that I just have to accept the habits of others even if I feel like they are impinging on my sanity. Besides any of this, I always just had other things on my mind more important than every little thing some annoying person do. But I think my last straw has been pulled and I can no longer concentrate on my other important mental business (namely fantasies about torrid affairs with rich, handsome, older doctors who lavish me with presents). In fact, I would characterize 2007 as the year of brats confronted me on just how selfish I have been. I am messy, I talk on the phone late at night, yes. These things are annoying to those who like things clean, and sleep at night, yes. But things annoy me also, I just never bring them up. No, this is not because I "don't have a spine", but rather, because I just don't care nor do I think it's fair to ask someone to change the way they live. This may seem ironic, as it leads one to believe that I would rather change the way I live, but what's so tragic about that, exactly?

That's the problem with the growing majority of people: they think change is tragic because it's somehow murdering "who you are". People think, when in a situation where something annoys them, that it is their duty to confront the person and demand change because if they didn't, they wouldn't "be true to themselves". These quoted phrases are absolute bullshit. You became "who you are" by massive influence from your parents, the government, media, Hollywood, etc...there is no "yourself" to "be true to". So simply knowing this fact and acting accordingly does not make me a tragically spineless figure, but rather a dynamic person who is capable of change. Yes, I am malleable and easily influenced, and this could be seen as a negative thing, by why? I get into bad things but I get out of them just as easily. And as for learning to live with that which annoys me? It's a behavior one hopes will be returned, like, when you yell on the phone, you hope that someone who blasts Mandy Moore and Fergie Ferg all night will be forgiving (Seriously. Mandy Moore. All night. For WEEKS. Would you not be yelling?). Or when you are messy, you hope that someone you let tag along with you EVERYWHERE will just get over it. Or when you incessantly do people favors which make their quality of life much better, as well as use the words "please" "thank you" and "sorry", you expect those who have never used those words to just move on. But it is highly indicative of this new race of self-centered, grotesquely confident people to not use words of graciousness or politeness, ever, because in addition to being true to themselves, they believe that everything someone does for them, with or without their request, they simply deserve just for being their darling little selves. This dangerous species sees all of their actions as infinitely generous and feel they are entitled to non-stop praise. If you don't conform to their every desire, they write you off as having "no respect", as though we, the easy-going ones are their minions who must follow their every whim. They believe they are giving because they fulfill their own desires. If they like cleanliness, they keep their things clean, and anyone who doesn't is a selfish enemy of the race. If I like things a certain way, and others around me impede my ability to live that way, I simply maneuver around them to make myself satisfied, without getting in their way. But I don't stay messy to stay "true to myself". I am messy because I have an obvious and evident aversion to cleaning. Once in a while I clean, when I am on drugs, usually. But I have quit drugs.

But this isn't just about drugs. This is about me informing those like me of yet another obliterating personality change of the masses (kind of like claiming to "bring sexy back", or UGGs) which has chosen to mess with my piece of mind. I cannot make myself be a person who demands change rather than someone who just changes themselves, because I am gaining more by being the latter. I have more options in life, I'm never backed into a corner, I have more points of reference, I get to live like so many different people, and get accustomed to their habits, listen to their music, speak their language, live their lifestyles, but no matter where they go, all they get is themselves. Just like those of us who never participate in class get all the insight of everyone else, as well as our own opinion while it's clear that those who speak up can speak in every single class and will still only leave with their opinion, a malleable, willing-to-change person gets the best of all worlds without being bogged down by "true to themselves" bullshit. A worthwhile person understands not only the virtues but also the value of changing your own ways and accepting the ways of others...why continue living if you had it so right from the start? This may sound weird, depressed self-loather of me, but when someone else annoys me my first thought is that I've done something to deserve it (as opposed to The New Race's deserving of only that which is pleasant and lauding). Invariably, this ends up being positive as I have the non-delusion capacity to examine my flawed self and be honest about it, thus allowing me to be thankful to others, or apologize when I've been wrong. The irony of the TNR's (the new race's) gumption in situations such as the messy room or the noisy phone call is their absolute lack of it when it comes to anything that matters. TNR would never be so bold in situations involving school, work, or even most social situations, and they solely prey on those who are like us, the minority, but in the long run, it's OK. At least I'm not on drugs.

Monday, January 7, 2008